“Some goals just ain’t meant to be microwaved, baby.” – LaNia (tiktok)

This week was the one that changed the kitchen lab for me. I’m still not sure if for better or worse…

Next week is the midterm exam, so this week’s work was all about more practice and preparation. We would fabricate another chicken, saute a breast, pan fry a leg and thigh, and practice more knife skills. Those included sliced, chopped, and mincing garlic into a paste, chopping various herbs, and slicing and grilling zucchini. We also learned multiple methods for slicing vegetables like bell peppers and onions for different preparations. 

I’ve started loving the thrill of multiple tasks, and getting to approach them in my own ways. I feel more in control of my work, making the wins that much more meaningful. 

Slicing vegetables and preparing garlic and herbs is very much something I love doing at home, so I knocked those out quickly. Preparing and grilling the zucchini was sort of a thankless task. At the end of slicing and cooking, you still just have…a brownish zucchini.  Chef did say my seasoning was on point, though, and that I was successful in making zucchini look edible (for the win?) with “great color.” I’ll take it!

I am getting disturbingly fast at breaking down a chicken, as well as pan frying. Sauteeing still keeps throwing me off. Today, time was once again not on my side. Chef began counting down minutes while I was convinced my breast was still underdone. We had to saute with skin on today, making timing even more difficult. How to keep things crispy on the outside, juicy on the inside, and still fully cooked…

I pulled the breast for a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it rest, as minutes turned to seconds. I had to plate quickly and was sure I was presenting an underdone piece of meat. It turns out that time constraints actually forced me to cook the breast properly. She was perfect, and Chef even laughed at me a little, since I was forced to get out of my head and JUST COOK.

Things were starting to feel good. Really good. I was getting a handle on my real skill sets in the kitchen, and seeing where I needed practice. Having a growth mindset is tough, but it’s about getting back up. Today’s class was one of the first times I felt the home cook meet the kitchen lab cook, and visions of a possible future chef seemed less like a strange dream and more like a future. I still wasn’t sure where I wanted to end up. The kitchen life is hard, and I am a creature of comfort. I don’t like sweating, or yelling, or burning myself, or standing up for hours. And yet, something happens to me when I’m in class. Some sort of core activates inside and I just move. I am in no way great. And in no way even good. But there is something electric inside me when I chop, and cook, and plate, and move on to the next task. I still don’t know quite what it is or what it means, but it’s becoming harder to ignore. 

Ironically, the next class brought total catastrophe and pushed these feelings even deeper into my mind. On a day where everything goes wrong, and everything around me is miserable, on a day where I epically and publicly fail spectacularly, do I still love to cook? Could my worst day in the kitchen also be my best day?